I have stage fright, I’m shy, not the talking type. Then, when he does start to talk to you, all you have to do is this one simple thing …. The social phobias never disappear 100% but now they are easier to live with and she has intimate friends and a meaningful career. Francine, When this happens I jokingly say; “guys don’t stop making so much noise..” I will try to make/solicit a conversation. Thank you for your article and the on-going comments. My heart breaks for her when she sees people she thought were friends ignoring her on Facebook and social media. My partner and I are fighting because of it and I may have to one day choose between them. She is very intelligent too but don’t try as hard as she could for good grades. So I believe teaching an introvert to acknowledge his/her strengths, and “to be a leader not a follower” as my mom has always taught me and they will do well. My mom didnt want me to be an introvert like my dad and she dnt accept me as an introvert. So don’t suggest me to “talk it out” It makes things worse. Which I might be, but I don’t think so. My new partner of 4 yrs is extroverted and doesn’t understand why my daughter isn’t one for family dinners or outings. Today. She is a lovely, gentle, charming, funny girl, but has had a lot of trouble maintaining friendships. Posted Aug 13, 2013 Be strong, consistent, loving gentle and focused. Me too, I am also finding my introvert teenage son enigmatic. I think you should just tell them the definition of an introvert, that you are drained by being with people. In a transitional phase. First Date Checklist for Introverted Women, Top 7 Introverted Teen Problems (The Struggle is Real! The folks on the other end of that screen are his friends. My parents and grandparents are constantly trying to get me to go out more and find more friends, even thought I think that I have enough good friends. Her coaches have been great and kind of handle her with kids glove. She tries to reach out but feels snubbed. We started using words to comment on our cat, who plopped down near us purring loudly and demanding pets. Your introverted teen is not broken just because he or she doesn’t like the same activities you did growing up. ? When you understand your child's introverted nature, you may notice that others may not be doing what is best for your child. The more extroverted teen may require more company and hence more driving around to social activities. Parents who engage in power struggles with their willful child usually end up empowering the child’s insistence and opposition. Because of their innate needs for alone time, it can be difficult to feel like you’re included in your introverted teen’s world. She has been playing volleyball since she was 11yrs old and loves it! Explain what it’s like from your point of view. I have a 13yr old Grandson he is the only child,he is a loner and I consider him to be a introvert.When I talk to him it’s almost impossible to talk to him,I ask questions and he answers ,I have to dig for conversation.How do I talk to him?I love him very much but can’t communicate with him. Now, as I’ve gotten older she’s not talked about it. And be aware about depression. Ten goals to strive for when raising a teen daughter . Instead of focusing on your teen’s supposed deficiencies, accept him just as he is. xxo. I pray that I can develop a better relationship with my son and that he will forgive and learn to trust me someday. Each meets just once a week, allowing for plenty of down time. ticks me off. As an introvert myself, I understand the need for alone time, but it worries me too. Art projects used to Capture her attention but not so much now. If you’re experiencing conflicts or a disconnect with your introverted teen, the last thing you want to do is get all up in her face about it. Thanks for this post Jessica. I am a fifteen year old female shy introvert. I try to talk to her and show affection but she pushes me away. So, I thought I’d put together a few simple guidelines to help you better connect with your introverted teen. I hope by reading thesebi can learn to be ok with my son just wanting to keep to himself once he isn’t at school. She has told me, that she goes blank and the words just won’t come out and then she feels stupid. He has his phone but doesn’t use it much for social media except to watch videos. We’ve asked, how can we help her. If I had to guess I’d say she’s an ambivert, because I also noticed she’s ok with having her alone time, but when out she is definitely a social butterfly. I don’t know if I am an introvert or have social anxiety problems or both but I just have problems with hanging out with people outside of my family. It doesn’t mean you need to constantly take her out or lavish her in romantic gestures. Understanding Your Introverted Teenage Daughter, staying connected to your introverted teen. My parents unfortunately aren’t interested in the same things as I am, but they have figured out the right questions. When I was in high school, I made most of my friends at church or on Students’ Council. Therapist? “My daughter has suddenly stopped talking at home? Hello, I’m the mom of an introverted teen. She has always stayed on the court and naturally picked up setting. What are his strengths? It would seem very cold to me. I’m Introverted or have an Introverted personality, however my mom and her boyfriend are both strongly extroverted. The believe my behavior is weird and that there is something wrong with me. Highly sensitive people are deep thinkers, tuned in to other people and their emotions, and see things that others miss. I recently had a conversation with an extroverted parent who has had a really hard time understanding her introverted son’s behavior. is my teen’s introversion inhibiting them from experiencing overall wellbeing, or is it just different from the way I am? Remember- the Hallmark of adolescence is resistance. The development of willfulness is not naturally endowed but is learned from experience of family life often from the very parents who wish such willfulness would subside. We are moving to another state in 5 months and I truly want to help her find some friends who “get” her and treat her with the affection she deserves. Highly sensitive pe… I feel so bad about it because all I wanted to do was help him. That being said, my family is affected by the extrovert ideal. ← Why Teen Boot Camps Don’t Always Work: Everything You Need to Know, Life After Wilderness Therapy: What’s Next? If someone doesn’t want to talk to me because they think I’m stuck up, that’s their problem. Then, when he does start to … . That is the secret to getting an introverted teen to open up. SHe is hard to handle but easy to manage because for her to get what she wants she must do what we want first. It took me a few years to realize that the reason my eldest, Maggie, was so upset at times, was because she was overwhelmed with a family that never met her needs as an Introvert. I’m an extroverted parent too and just realized today that I have been doing everything wrong for my 15 year old son. She seems very angry most of the time and I just don’t know what to say or do anymore – help. You might be thinking, “but my teenager never has anything to say”. When I began to look into this today, it truly opened my eyes as to what we’ve been dealing with and seeing in him. I have 10 + years old son. Her father has given her more than she needs in her life, but I don’t do that unless I think she deserves it. Try not to look bored when you’re quiet but smile and look into their eyes when they’re talking. She was always shy but when she was younger she did have a friends she played with. Thanks. But when they happen, I can’t help but feel strongly affected. The opposite of love is not hate it’s not giving a damn. They’ve been patient and modified her leadership role to make her more comfortable. If I tell her to do something she just don’t want to do she rolls her eyes and stomps to her room. I usually get my social interaction with my family and at work (which drains me). They don’t tell parents they talk to peers. Also, check out the tv show Gilmore Girls on Netflix. And, yes, it REALLY frustrates me that she can’t deal with it. I think she could benefit from meeting with a specialist to counsel her on social anxiety, although she hasn’t admitted outright that she has phobias.. Would appreciate your advice. Thank you so much for this article and all of the comments. My friends think something is wrong with me because I am quiet. I have an introvert son aged 19 and this article has been amazing to read. When I was a teen, I thought I was overly emotional and hated that I would burst into tears over the smallest things — even when I wasn’t feeling sad! Astonishingly, even at a young age, many of them can step outside themselves and reflect on their own behavior. I use to not want to hang out and would force myself but now when they invite me it sounds fun (like my family, but sometimes I say no when I want to be alone). Give him or her the privacy and quiet time desired when they get home in the afternoon and, if possible, a room of their own with a door that closes! An introverted child can be acutely self-conscious around others. Hello, Very proud that he stuck with getting his diploma. As we’ve said before, everyone needs to feel a sense of belonging and place. Any advise would be helpful please. He is very athletically talented in every sport but his personality gets in the way of his performance and it is easy to get into his head and then he just shuts down. Thank you for this article – it really describes the beautiful, deep personality of an introvert. If your teen daughter is struggling with depression, … from what he does say, i can tell he would like to make friends….and searching those friends out seems to be a challenge for him. I’m having a really hard time accepting that he is a introvert. Wow thank you so much for sharing your daughter’s story. We do everything that is described above already but he doesn’t ever want to make himself be the center of attention. While he DOSN’T see see talking to my two good friends at lunch, and the girl next to me at art (I like to draw). I’ve tried…, I am a father of a 16 yr old teen girl It was 10:30 when she finally went to bed. I tell her she will be very lonely if she doesn’t keep in touch w friends! How to help your kids thrive in an extroverted world Positive reinforcement – You cannot change your children into extroverts, but you can help them cope “you’re the captain “…”you’re the quarterback of the team”…”you’re the leader”…”huddle the team”…”encourage your teammates”, etc. Then you could explain that an introvert is someone who needs more time alone to feel at their best. So, for example, if we are driving to drivers ed. I feel the same exact way! I think this article was extremely helpful but I’d more suggestions on activities I could offer her. I stayed home and went to community college and after that, I plan to go to a 4 year college and want to go far away just to force myself to make friends. I guess he gets it from me. My mom kept saying go you will have fun and that I wasn’t going to sit on my butt all day. If your introverted child hears the word “shy” enough times, she may start to believe that her discomfort around people is a fixed trait, not a feeling she can learn to control. Thanks for enlightening me! “Introverts get tired of extroverts talking AT them.” Many thanks, extroverted and worried mom. I am considering having her take an etiquette class to learn some social skills for interviews and social obligations she can’t get out of. Last year I just accepted who I am and my introversion (though I wasn’t aware what that was at the time) and I ended up having some of the best friends that year. And always works. My mom and her boyfriend see this as odd as they constantly compare me to themselves when they were my age. Here are tips to buil. It’s good to see too that I might be part of the solution in helping our introvert/extrovert relationship. Listen and empathize keep advice to a minimum. Recently I started to understand our brains between the introvert, extrovert, sensitive and none sensitive is working differently. As your child matures, it’s important to respect their unique needs and individual differences from you while also holding healthy boundaries. I accept me and all my Introverted ways and hope they will too one day. Please note, I open my arms and she comes into them. And I agree with them sometimes. I don’t want her to end up like me. If so, it’s okay for your daughter to do less structured activities with one or two friends – sleepovers, dinners, and just ‘hanging out’. I eventually decided to leave them but since they were the “populars” that meant I had to spend some time alone. We all have an inherent need for human connection, even introverted teenagers. Introverts often devote much of our precious energy to hiding who we really are. he has started the school year off on a very withdrawn foot, not having much to say. As a setter, quarterback, or captain or leader of any sort, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with those statements or expectations…it just goes with the territory. She has been followed by some top D1 college volleyball programs and to date has received a couple offers as a sophomore. Share Via. Does your daughter have any friends? If your son or daughter is open to seeing a counselor, and there's no law that says they have to be, this is an area where you can clearly be helpful. A great way to respect their time alone while also staying connected is to find an activity that you both enjoy. P.S. As a therapeutic boarding school for girls, we specialize in working with introverted young women. Raising a teenager is a challenging and frustrating endeavour for most parents. Playing on a lower team would not be competitive enough for her and not worth the expense, time, and energy. Be loud and draw attention to yourself when you are around their peers. I so want a better relationship with her and to see her happier so it pains me to no end that we don’t seem like it’s remotely close. I’m an extroverted parent of a 16 yr old introverted, extremely sensitive daughter. And it sometimes is, but that is changing thankfully! Don’t push her to make friends, as she will think you feel something is wrong with her. I’m just wondering if you still check this site/reply comment? I’ve been seeing things from my perspective, and unable to see them from hers, and the comments here are helping me understand how to handle this better. 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